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SECRET SIN

Gazette, The (Colorado Springs), Oct 29, 2005 by PAUL ASAY THE GAZETTE

Sex sells.

It sells beer, shampoo, CDs and a thousand other products. It sells itself, too.

The pornography industry is a $57 billion worldwide business, $2.5 billion of which comes from the Internet, according to

Utah-based TopTenREVIEWS, a company that reviews software and Web sites.

Porn is mainstream, available to anyone with access to a modem, DSL or payper-view. Its popularity has been fueled by availability unimagined 20 years ago: No more magazines tucked under the bed, no secret forays to the local X-rated film house.

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That's a big reason churchgoing men -- many with wives and children -- spend so much time with it. Many Christians think that viewing porn is virtual adultery, and churches are just beginning to deal with the problem.

"It's a secret cancer that grows in the home," said Doug Weiss, a Christian sexaddiction counselor in Colorado Springs.

According to a 2003 study by Internet Filter Review, 47 percent of Christians say pornography is causing problems in their homes. Nearly two-thirds of the men who have gone to Focus on the Family's "Men, Romance & Integrity" seminars admitted in 2000 that they struggled with porn. Of those, 10 percent were pastors. Weiss said porn is an aroundclock temptation, and a simple one to access and hide. It's a cheap, easy vice that can ease tension, salve loneliness and provide escape.

The Rev. Ed Rowell, senior pastor for Tri-Lakes Chapel, said he talks to about three or four men a year about porned issues. But he estimated that for each man he talks with, dozens remain silent.

"I think it's a greater issue now (than it was 20 years ago)," Rowell said. "It's primarily because of access and the Internet."

Many perpetrators can't or won't stop and wind up watching their marriages, livelihoods and reputations crumble.

According to an internal poll taken by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers in 2003, two-thirds said the Internet played a role in the divorce cases they worked on the previous year. It was an almost nonexistent factor a decade ago.

"It is a pretty addictive thing," said Mike Genung, who heads Blazing Grace Ministries in Colorado Springs.

Blazing Grace (www.blazinggrace.org) is a Christian organization devoted to helping men repulse porn and sexual addiction. Genung struggled with sexual addiction for 20 years, undergoing therapy and participating in 12-step groups. He finally kicked the habit, he said, after accepting God's grace. Genung is married and has four children.

He also doesn't have television service in his house. The temptation it offers is too great.

"Remember the Super Bowl (two years ago, when Janet Jackson exposed a breast during a halftime show)?" Genung said. "That's the last thing I need floating through my mind."

Genung talks about things most people -- particularly Christians - - are embarrassed to mention. Pastors rarely preach about porn, or prostitution or masturbation, even though 57 percent of them say it's the most damaging issue in their congregations, according to a March poll in Christianity Today. Porn users are too embarrassed or ashamed to talk to their church friends about their habits. Many lead a double life, isolated in their assumptions that their problems are impossible for others to understand or help deal with.

"I hear the same words over and over," Genung said. "'I thought I was alone.'"

Porn users who want help rarely turn to their spouses, even though Genung said they can be an addict's No. 1 ally.

The fallout is often devastating. It took Genung years to earn back his wife's trust.

"For women, it's really painful, thinking the man they love the most is sitting in front of the computer and masturbating," he said.

At Weiss's Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, couples attend threeday counseling sessions. The Christian-based center specializes in sexual addiction.

"I think a lot of them are relieved (when they come in), actually," said Michelle Stahl, a counselor at Heart to Heart. "There's a name for their issues. There are answers."

Stahl went to the center for treatment with her husband, who was viewing Internet porn.

Stahl, like many women, discovered she had her own sexual issues. She wasn't viewing porn, but she was talking with men in chat rooms - - conversations that eventually led to phone calls to her house. "I was going on the idea that if my husband was fixed, everything would be great," she said.

Women can be sexual addicts, too. Although porn viewing is not as prominent among women, it's a growing phenomenon. In a poll taken by Today's Christian Woman, 34 percent of respondents admitted to intentionally accessing Internet porn. The clinic claims an 83 percent success rate in keeping families together.

Weiss and Genung stress that accountability is essential to recovery, as is painful, sometimes graphic self-disclosure. In support groups, Genung insists that lapsed porn users confess instances of porn usage and masturbation. To not do so "is harmful because it gives the sin more power. They're still holding onto this lust."

SECRET SIN

Gazette, The (Colorado Springs), Oct 29, 2005 by PAUL ASAY THE GAZETTE

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