THE GAYBY BOOMERS

The landscape of wooden floors scattered with stuffed bunnies, building-block castles and plastic superheroes couldn't be a more normal setting for a middle-class American boy.

"Mom!", yells five-year-old Max as he frantically searches for a toy motorcycle.

"Yes, honey?" replies his mother from the kitchen where she is busy stirring a pot of simmering spaghetti.

"No, the other mum," yells back Max.

As if I had stepped into a childhood dreamscape of imaginary friends, another mum indeed appears from the corridor, this one with the desired toy motorcycle in hand.

Later, after the pair of mums, Dr Leslee Subak and Dr Linda McAllister, have herded all three of their rambunctious kids towards the dinner table and are serving the steaming plates of food, I feel a pang of envy. I didn't enjoy the simultaneous love and attention of two mothers during my childhood. That luxury was only granted to those few families with the means to supplement the mother's love with a nanny's.

Missing in this cheery domestic scene, however, is a father, because these two mothers are lesbians - part of America's rapidly expanding ranks of same-sex couples who are choosing ` to raise children. In San Francisco, America's model city of homosexual tolerance - where Leslee and Linda live - the trend is referred to as the "gayby boom".

The last US census indicates that, scattered across the country, there are now over 100,000 same-sex couples with children. Judging by the number of people in Europe hoping to have their relationships recognised as "marriages" or civil unions - desiring to be seen as families - gay people in Britain and on the continent are probably only a few years behind their comrades across the Atlantic in coming out of the closet about their desire to have children.

How these children become part of a gay or lesbian family is often far more complex - and sometimes less romantic - than for most heterosexuals. It takes much more than a vigorous honeymoon night or a few too many cocktails in a club for a same-sex couple to have offspring.

Luckily for gays and lesbians, US social workers and fertility experts are picking up where the birds and the bees left off. There are myriad adoption methods and advanced fertilization techniques available to potential same-sex parents. The boldest couples have leapt into almost assembly- line-style reproduction, often harvesting their own eggs or sperm or seeking the help of anonymous donors. Sperm banks will ship their products by courier to would-be mothers where they can be administered in the comfort of the bedroom.

Some gay couples choose adoption, bringing other people's unwanted offspring into their nest. Either route requires significant financial investment and a good lawyer.

There are no accidental pregnancies in the gay and lesbian world, and as a result, same-sex couples are usually serious and committed about their roles as parents. And because of the legal bills involved, they are usually wealthy too.

Struggling to catch up with this growing segment of US society are the courts and politicians. Words like "donor" and "surrogate" have yet to show up in place of "mother" and "father" on birth certificates. Laws regarding inheritance and custody rights vary from state to state, and proposed changes provoke arguments between conservatives who want to keep a traditional definition of the family and liberals who are trying to extend civil rights and shield homosexuals and their children from discrimination.

You won't find many conservatives, however, in San Francisco, a city that has epitomised and institutionalised the counter-culture since the the 1960s. In the the city's gay district, Castro, an area permanently festooned with rainbow flags, same-sex couples are almost the norm.

Leslee and Linda tell me that the pre-school their kids attend has many other children from same-sex parents. The youngsters can relate to their playmates and fit in easily. But it is not only in laid- back San Francisco that you find gay families leading ordinary lives.

Every year increasing numbers of same-sex-parent families show up for Gay Day 2 at that bastion of tradition, Disneyland. Although not organised by the company, the event seems to be regarded as nothing out of the ordinary by the park officials and provokes no headlines or protests. (When it started in 1998, 2,500 gay people attended. Last year 25,000 turned up. A similar event, Gay Day 1, at Disney World, Florida, draws crowds of 100,000).

What strikes me at Disneyland is how the gay families look and dress like any other family - right down to the SUVs they drive and the trainers and white socks they wear. The only difference is that the parents are paired up as two mums or two dads. In America, it seems, gay families are already assimilated with the pram-pushing masses. n

Left

Patrick Fahey, left, and Charles Prosper, with their son Nathan, aged two

Together nearly 20 years, Patrick and Charles live in San Francisco. Patrick is an attorney and Charles a hospital administrator. They met Nathan's mother - in Philadelphia, through an adoption agency - while she was pregnant with him. Both men were present at the delivery. The couple are now trying to have a second child with the same woman and have drawn up a legal surrogacy agreement with her. The two men are alternatively taking turns sending sperm by FedEx to Philadelphia where a midwife inseminates the would-be mother. The family is pictured here with Donald Duck during Gay Day 2 at Disneyland in California.