I've had to stop trampolining and give my driver the bounce

The Hacker

Countless thousands of hackers around the world will have spent the first days of the new year seeking a new partnerfor their adventures on thegolf course.

I don't mean someone to play with in the mixed foursomes; hackers generally steer clear of playing with women on the grounds that it gives them another reason to laugh at us.

The partner I am referring to is the one that accompanies you on to the tee: ie, your driver, which can veer from being your best friend to your worst enemy but with which you develop a lasting relationship.

At the final stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve that relationship became illegal if you possessed a driver thathad a thin metal face deemed too bouncy.

It was called the trampoline effect, and the authorities decided it gave an unfair advantage and issued new specifications governing the speed at which a ball rebounds from the club face.

Heaven knows how many of these clubs had been sold worldwide. Millions, maybe. The pros were banned from using them five years ago (Tiger Woods apparently never used one, and you can hardly say he was disadvantaged as a result).

Two years ago, the clubs were ruled out for the top amateurs and those who play representative golf for their clubs and counties and, from last Tuesday, they are now forbidden for everyone - even people like me, who couldn't get any extra bounce in my drive if the club face was made of rubber.

I'm fortunate in that I didn't pay for my TaylorMade 540 - it was a gift after the company read that my dentist had borrowed mine and wouldn't give it back. I'd be even more peeved had I paid for it and now faced forking out around 200 for a replacement. I haven't yet decided what club to go for, but I'm going to borrow a few and do some auditioning over the next few weeks.

My final game with the old club was the day after Boxing Day, and I drove much better than usual. It was almost as if the driver knew its fate and was making a last-ditch attempt to stay with me.

Alas, a reprieve is not possible. My regular playing partners say that they don't mind if I carry on playing with it. As I carefully explained, it would be breaking a rule of golf if I did. They might as well say they don't mind me kicking the ball in the rough.

You can't even carry it around for old times' sake, because you incur a penalty for having a "non-conforming club" in your bag whether you use it or not.

What to do with these redundant implements is another problem. I had heard that a manufacturer was taking them in part-exchange, but I couldn't find one who did.

Had I achieved any notable success with it I could have it mounted above the fireplace, but a more appropriate place in my case would be the rubbish dump, and I can't bring myself to do that.

Neither do they appear onmy council's list of suitablerecycling items.

The only practical use I can think of is to collect enough to use them to grow your runner beans on. With my driver, they'd come ready- sliced.

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