How to be happy

Put your energy into the future, not the past

"I'm frequently frustrated at work and in my personal life as a result of my regrets and I find myself constantly lying to cover up how I am feeling. However, despite all this I still don't know if I have the courage or the confidence to break away and succeed." Mark.

Step 1 There is an aphorism that goes something like this: when you look back over your life it will be the things you haven't done that you will regret, not the things you have done. Think about it. Whatever is trapping you in the past, ruminating about wrongful omissions or commissions, is also making you unavailable to the present, where all the possibilities of your life can unfold. Every moment you live in regret is a moment wasted. If there are things that you have done that you can make amends for, do so now and then let go of them. If there are things you cannot mend, learn from them and move on. Regrets are myths that keep us locked in ever- decreasing circles of recrimination.

Step 2 You might want to ask yourself why you spend so much time in this barren past. It could be that you have found the perfect excuse not to pursue the life you want. Endlessly revisiting past mistakes is a way of avoiding confronting what you really fear. We often get caught up in this paradox that somehow if we had courage and confidence, we could do what we really want with our lives. The truth is that you don't need to have either to do what you to do. The reality is that it is from doing what you want that courage and confidence develop.

Step 3 Lying about who you are because you are afraid to be honest diminishes your courage and confidence. Being open and honest will allow you to explore what it is like to be you, and from this will stem an integrity that will bring you closer to your true self. By understanding and acknowledging that you are fallible, you can free yourself from the myth that you are weak, cowardly, bad or whatever keeps you a prisoner of your past. Then you can step into the possibility that you can commit to yourself, and put the energy that has been wasted on regret and inauthenticity into bringing yourself closer to the person you really want to be, and the life you really want to live.

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