WEEKLYPEDIA

YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT UP

Teacher in Canada flies home to Wales for friend's wedding on 6 July, only to be told he'd got the year wrong. It's next July.

Hong Kong woman who blinded boyfriend in one eye six years ago jailed for jabbing chopstick into his other one.

Resident at Ayrshire hostel charged with having sex with his bike.

Wrecking ball weighing 1,500lbs breaks loose from Pennsylvania crane, careers downhill, and smashes a dozen cars before coming to rest.

Man robs New Hampshire bank while disguised as a tree.

Aberdonian's honeymoon somewhat spoiled after bride hits groom over head with stiletto heel.

Rare yellow-nosed albatross takes wrong turning, flies into unfamiliar hemisphere, and lands exhausted on driveway of Somerset holiday camp.

American Jehovah's Witness admits that in 33 years of knocking on doors she's only managed to convert five people.

Female Muslim juror arrested in London on suspicion of listening to MP3 player under her headscarf during murder trial.

Hundreds flock to Indonesian town to see baby who was born with one-inch long grey beard.

Singer arrested by Malaysia's religious police for wearing sleeveless blouse.

Bao Xishun from China, at 7ft 9ins the world's tallest man, weds woman 27ins shorter and 27 years younger.

Utah grandmother scuffles with police after they come to issue her a ticket for failing to water her lawn.

Mushroom weighing more than 41lbs is picked in Mexico.

BREAKFAST OF THE MONTH

Congratulations to Mr Barry Bradley who, at the Premier Travel Inn, Tonbridge, Kent, paid [pound]7.50 for an "all you can eat" deal, and proceeded, in the next three hours, to demolish the following: 15 full English breakfasts 30 sausages 20 rashers of bacon 15 fried eggs Three tins of beans A punnet of mushrooms Six bowls of cereals One and a half croissants.

VERBATIM

"This is an extremely unusual event in Peacehaven"

The immortal words of Sgt Robin Fuller of Sussex Police after two drunk women had emerged from a pub, leapt on a stationary horse- drawn wedding carriage, tugged at the reins, and set its two shire horses into a canter. They knocked over a disabled man on his mobility scooter, one of the horses' owners, and wrote off a parked car and the wedding carriage.

"She went to the freezer and that is what she saw"

Georges Lahaye, public prosecutor in Verviers, Belgium, after a female guest at a dinner party went to put away leftovers, opened the freezer lid, and found inside the bodies of her male host's missing wife and son.

"We are spreading toilet culture"

The comment of a proud Lu Xiaoqing, an official at Chongqing city, which has just opened the world's largest public convenience - a four-storey palace of relief, featuring 1,000 stalls, an Egyptian facade, piped music, and hot and cold running TV.

"I realised there was a gap in the market"

Rita Ohnhauser, a Berlin woman whose dating agency for parrots has just brought together her 2,000th pair of lovebirds. There's not much chance of disgruntled customers demanding their money back - parrots mate for life.

"I believe I've hit someone"

Steve Warrichaiet of Green Bay, Wisconsin, to police, six hours after hitting, and killing, a pedestrian. He had driven seven blocks with the man's body lodged in his broken windscreen.

AND FROM OUR ARCHIVES:

"In keeping with Channel 40's policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts, and in living colour, you are going to see another first: an attempted suicide"

Florida TV anchor Christine Chubbuck eight minutes into her morning news programme 'Suncoast Digest' on 15 July 1974. She then produced a .38 revolver, shot herself behind the ear, and lurched forward. She died in hospital 14 hours later. She had been unhappy with the channel's increasing obsession with violent crime.

Randall's Quirky Field Guides. No.43: Famously Named Creatures

Agra katewinsletae, (ground beetle)

Agathidium bushi, A. cheneyi and A. rumsfeldi (slime mold beetles)

Campsicnemius charliechaplini, (dolichopodid fly)

Baeturia laureli and B. hardyi, (cicadas)

Calponia harrisonfordi, (caponiid spider)

GREAT ACHIEVEMENTS OF OUR TIMES

No. 1: The Flying Deck Chair.

Last weekend, Kent Couch, of Bend, Oregon, settled down in his deck chair with snacks, water, and 105 large helium balloons attached to the chair. Jettisoning some ballast, away he floated. Nine hours later, he came down with a bit of a bump in a farmer's field near the Idaho border, 193 miles away. He thus ranks with Larry Walters, who in 1982 rose three miles above Los Angeles on his balloon-powered deck chair, prompting a passing pilot to radio his control tower that he had "just passed a guy in a lawn chair".

OBJECT OF THE WEEK

No. 7: Bagpipes

A Glaswegian boy of 15 has been cured of asthma after taking up the bagpipes and learning better breath control. And that's not the only remarkable thing about these versatile instruments: