Pastoral Care with Stepfamilies: Mapping the Wilderness

By Loren L. Townsend. St. Louis: Chalice Press, 2000. x + 178 pp. $21.99 (paper).

The author states a basic premise about stepfamilies by giving a definition: "Stoep is a word that has survived from old English and means loss" (p. 54). Families who have lived through divorce and are in a subsequent marriage are grounded in a common experience of loss and grief which recurs over time. A consequence for those in a pastoral relationship with such families is named in his advice: "To offer effective pastoral care for stepfamilies, loss and grief must be named. Its embodiment must be recognized, and its fullness encountered within the healing and restoring body of Christ" (p. 55).

Citing statistics from census and demographic research, Townsend says that half of those born in 1980 will experience the divorce of their parents, and, if the trend continues families in subsequent marriages will outnumber those in their first marriage by 2010. Further, "more than half of all Americans now living will become either stepchildren, stepparents or stepgrandparents during the course of their lifetimes" (p. 6). If these numbers hold any truth, then this is an issue which the church must address if it is to be relevant to a significant portion of the population.

The most common configuration of family in a subsequent marriage is the matriarchal. The woman is the dominant wife and mother; leadership is her responsibility. She is the custodial parent of her own children and makes most of the family's major decisions. The husband may take some parenting responsibility, but his primary interest is in his wife's companionship. While this can be the configuration which brings the greatest sense of satisfaction, it can also be the one fraught with the most frustration. Since the husband's authority as parent to the children is that given to him by the wife, differences in parenting style, standards, and discipline can be a major source of conflict. In subsequent-marriage families, the pressure flows upward from the children, which is the mirror image of an original, nuclear family.

Understanding the various family configurations and how power and conflict flow is essential for any pastoral caregiver. I found the practical applications and definitions most helpful in my work with families, and gained new insight into my own (second marriage) family dynamics as well.

The author cites a wide range of sociological research; for those whose interests lie in that discipline there is much to find. I found it more helpful to explore the case studies and to see the biblical images of loss and redemption, wilderness and homecoming, wholeness and restoration applied to everyday parish and family life.

In his boldest challenge to the church, Townsend reminds us that "God risked revealing the Christ through a stepfamily . . . they were not a 'closet' stepfamily. They did not pretend to be something they weren't . . . Jesus' subversive message that cultural 'stepchildren' receive an equal inheritance . . . was an intolerable message then, and it is a difficult message today" (pp. 139-140).

This book is worth your time. There are stepfamilies everywhere we go.

Timothy J. Crouch

Urban Missionary and Hospital Chaplain

Akron, Ohio

Copyright Anglican Theological Review, Inc. Winter 2003
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