Funny-named towns

I have fallen in love with American names," wrote the Yankee poet Stephen Vincent Benet. Well, Stevie, you'd have just been wild about the town names of the South.

Slapout. Eclectic. Cut and Shoot. All of us Southerners know them. We love these names. We laugh and embrace them fondly like the eccentric uncle who sings "My Old Kentucky Home" while gargling sweet tea. Bugtussle. Boring. Uncertain. These towns' names have music, bursting with that singular combo of Southern charm and weirdness.

They make finding your way around the South a challenge, an adventure. The plethora of peculiar names (that's Peculiar, Missouri) turns finding a destination into an Abbott and Costello skit. "Well, if you're in Uncertain (TX), hang a left at Accident (MD) until you come to Bowlegs (OK)." Or: "Follow that road to Superior Bottom (WV), where you'll run into Lazy Lake (FL). Travel south from there, and you will see Santa Claus (GA) right before you get to Toad Suck (AR). You can't miss it."

The way Southerners give directions might drive you over the edge-that is, if the directional-based names themselves don't. "You know where that barn used to be before it burned in Center? Now, I'm not talking about that one in Center Hill or Centerton. Actually it's near Central City. Anyhow, go east right there at Due West till you get to where the Wilsons used to live in Middleton. Or was that Middleburg? Maybe it was Middletown. Anyway, hang a left where that cow is usually loose in the road."

If you haven't already begun quietly weeping into your Rand McNally, take heart. Food is always just down the road a piece-and it, too, is often the name of a town. If you start the day with Hot Coffee (MS), you can move on to Two Egg (FL), followed by Lick Skillet (TN). You're likely to find true grits in Hominy (OK), and Rabbit Hash (KY) heads you into a brunch/wild game direction. Don't forget the Toast (NC) before foraging further in Dixie for consumables.

Southern town names also celebrate sartorial splendor. Start in Argyle (GA) to get on firm footing, then move on to Bell Buckle (TN) and Calico Rock (AR). In the mood for something Victoria's Secretish? Then try Chantilly (VA). If it's warmth you're searching for, go to Coats (NC) or Wool Market (MS).

As you pinball your way through the South, you'll see our true spirit reflected on the roadside sins. They are Allgood (AL), the Apex (NC) of fortitude. You'll find a Bonanza (AR) of Comfort (TX) and Delight (AR). An Eden (MS) of Fair Play (MO), Freedom (OK), and Friendly (MD) folk, who are always Happy (TX) to help you on your travels. You'll find Harmony (NC) and Hope (AR) wherever your many wanderings may take you, be they ever so Humble (TX). A Kinder (LA), gentler version of Liberty (KY) also exists here-Loyal (OK), Lucky (LA), and generally Okay (OK). The South is where the women are Strong (AR), the eggs are served Sunnyside (GA) up, and all are Welcome (NC, SC).

Even Yankee poets.

Copyright Southern Progress Corporation Spring 2002
Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights Reserved