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CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS RESEARCH: A RESOURCE FOR COUPLE AND FAMILY THERAPISTS
Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, Jan 2004 by Hendrick, Susan S
Researcher: I've been working for a while with a measure of love called the Love Attitudes Scale. It is short and easy to take, and it gives scores on six different love styles. Husbands and wives may differ on the scale, and certain love styles are strongly linked to relationship satisfaction, so it might be useful.
Therapist: Sounds good. I'll get the materials from you and ask them to take it. Then I'll talk with you about the results before I talk with them.
The therapist gives the partners the Love Attitudes Scale, scores the scales, and then consults with her colleague. The following is a partial transcript of her next session with the couple.
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Therapist: So, how did things go this week?
Kathy: I've been feeling a little better. I guess that last week when we talked about our family backgrounds and how we first met, it helped me remember how in love we used to be. But that kind of made me sad, too, because we don't feel that way now.
Matt: Speak for yourself, Kathy. I love you just as much as I did when we first got married, even more. It's you who has changed. You're so negative.
Kathy: I'm not negative. But you can't tell me that our relationship is the same as when we were newlyweds. Now we've got the kids, and all the other responsibilities. And you don't seem to get that. You are so possessive of my time; you always want more than I can give. And when I can't do something you want me to do, you pout or get sick or hover over me. I feel smothered instead of loved!
Matt: Everyone and everything else comes first for you-you don't even have time for me. When I walk into the house, you barely say hello. We hardly even have sex anymore.
Kathy: Whose fault is that? I miss it as much as you do.
Therapist: Holds up her hand: Hold that thought! This is the perfect time for us to talk about how you two came out on that love questionnaire you took during the session last week. Remember, you both filled out the Love Attitudes Scale, and then I gave you some information about the love styles. I consulted with one of my colleagues, and I want to talk with you about your results. They fit right in with what you two are talking about.
Kathy and Matt each look at their results, including the three-point code of the subscales they most agreed with. Kathy's code is E/S/M, meaning that Eros (passionate love) is her strongest scale, followed by Storge (friendship love) and Mania (possessive, dependent love). Matt is an M/E/A, meaning that Mania is his strongest scale, followed by Eros and Agape (altruistic love).
Therapist: How does this fit for you? Kathy? Matt?
Kathy: Last week I read the sheet you gave us about these love styles. Based on that, if I can remember, these types do fit, especially Eros, the first one. I am a hopeless romantic-I know it. Although the friendship part of our marriage is very important to me too, I want that spark, that zing of Eros. The Mania part fits, but I wish it didn't. I know that's a leftover from my childhood, but I still can hook into that, especially when I don't feel close to Matt. I think he's the sexiest husband in the world, but we just aren't connecting.
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