A quest for authenticity: contemporary butch gender

Sex Roles: A Journal of Research,  May, 2004  by Heidi M. Levitt,  Katherine R. Hiestand

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Two women described attempts to be heterosexual or to pass as heterosexual by dating boys: "From age 14 to 19 I dated this one male person ... I tried to be [heterosexual]. I tried to have a desire" (P-08). There was strong pressure to be feminine, and the women described repeated experiences of harassment. "They called me queer ... and they called me other names, too you know just kinda nasty names that you call, freak of nature kind of stuff" (P-10). Several girls had teachers or parents assume that they were lesbian due to their gender atypicality. At times this awareness was reassuring, but at other times it was quite distressing.

Most women came out to others in their late teens or early 20s, although one said that she came out at the age of 12. Coming out as a lesbian was reported to be an important experience for the respondents, as it allowed them to be honest about their sexual orientation and to gain acceptance from others. Not all participants came out to their families, and those who did described varied family reactions, from very supportive to completely rejecting.

As the women entered the lesbian community in their cities of origin, they began to become more comfortable with themselves as butch women. Most women adopted this gender identifier after learning about it within lesbian culture, but some claimed it despite the lesbian culture at the time: "I was reading old literature. There wasn't very much out then about lesbians, but I recognized myself as butch ... but the stronger feminism got the more that was looked at as sexist and not cool. [In my androgynous phase] I secretly identified as butch.... I started identifying as butch [openly] probably in the mid-1980s" (P-10). Other participants had to overcome negative feelings and stereotypes about lesbians and butches before they were able to adopt either identity. Once they did understand the positive position of butch identity within lesbian culture, however, most women claimed this identity as their own with a sense of relief: "As soon as I decided, 'This is who I am and who I'm going to be and I'm tired of pretending to be somebody else,' it all felt very natural for me" (P-04).

Learning the social rules of how butch-femme-and androgynous women interacted within lesbian community was not always easy. "Butch girls would not dance with me, and the femmes did. I thought, 'phooey' but I didn't know it was a butch-femme thing.... And somebody said, 'Well, she's butch, girl, she's not gonna dance with you.' And it never occurred to me. It was just like an awakening" (P-06). Similarly, realizing that they were sexually desirable to many lesbians they found attractive because they were butch was an important turning point for some women. A number of the respondents had older butch role models who helped them value their butchness and taught them how to relate to others as a butch: "It's someone who just has a broader experience base then you do, who's willing to share that with you, and who cares about you and has a love for you" (P-03). By offering a parental form of love, these mentors supplemented the missing affection in the lives of those young women who were closeted from or rejected by their own parents.