Close-up: ecstacy: "E" is for empty: ecstacy use left Daniel feeling worthless and alone

Daniel Oerum, 17 of San Clarita Valley California, wanted prom night to be special. So, he reached into his tuxedo pocket and took out pills stamped with images of Tweety Bird and Buddha. Ecstasy (also called E, X, XTC, Adam, hug, love drug, and beans) looked harmless enough. But Daniel found out the hard way how dangerous it can be.

"My heart was racing so fast. I thought I was having a heart attack," Daniel said. A friend helped him into the prom because his legs wouldn't stop trembling. The dance floor was located on a Hollywood movie set. Daniel tingled from head to toe. "Then I hit a peak," he said. "I felt like a movie star."

Later at a friend's house, Daniel crashed into gloom and confusion. He swallowed two more "E" pills. Taking multiple doses within a relatively short time multiplies the toxic risks of any drug. With ecstasy, "stacking," or doubling the dose, carries especially high risk. The level of ecstasy builds and the user's body can't keep up with the amount of drug in his or her blood. That's what happened to Daniel.

"I lay down and couldn't lift my head," he said. "My legs were rocking back and forth."

The following weekend, Daniel dropped "E" at a rave where some 200 kids danced on a dirt clearing. Before long Daniel was selling ecstasy. "I'd walk into raves and yell `E' and people would crowd around. I felt a sense of power." With the profits, he bought more ecstasy which he took often, always with other kids. "I did drugs so I didn't have to feel alone," he said.

When Daniel's father worked nights, friends flocked to his house. Adorned with glow-in-the-dark shirts and beads, they danced to trance music and chewed pacifiers to keep their teeth from grinding.

LIVES DESTROYED

Soon Daniel was dropping up to five "E" pills a day. Desperate to feed his habit, he started selling cocaine and methamphetamine as well as ecstasy. "I was skinny. My skin was the color of paper. My teeth were rotting out," Daniel said. "I would steal anything I could get my hands on. I stole valuables from my dad. I didn't see anything wrong with the way I was acting."

Once, a friend's mother wanted to buy drugs from Daniel. When he delivered the bag of speed to the house, Daniel watched his friend's face crumple in sadness. "I felt really bad. I saw lives being destroyed because of what I was doing," he said.

On New Year's Eve, Daniel's girlfriend called him a "drug addict" and a "lowlife." He jumped out of her car. "Staring at the city hotels and gas stations, I thought `I'm going to be living alone in the streets' and that scared the daylights out of me," Daniel recalled.

The next morning, he went to his father and said, "Dad, I need help."

NEW YEAR/NEW BEGINNING

A resident of Phoenix House, a drug-treatment center in Lake View Terrace, California, Daniel has been clean for six months. He's gained weight, and he cares about himself again. But he worries about ecstasy's effects. "I feel like I've suffered brain damage," he said. "Sometimes I get stuck in conversations, because I can't find a word." Other times he walks the unit and stops in horror, forgetting where he's going.

Daniel is trying to understand his past and piece his life back together. "I got into drugs because I felt like no one liked me. Then nobody wanted to be around me because of the drugs, and I ended up completely alone," he said. "I feel like a new person now."

CASUALTY OF ECSTASY

Nineteen-year-old Mellisa Ross died after trying ecstasy for the first time. The Emory University sophomore had hoped to dance the night away with friends at an Atlanta club. Instead, she ended up in the morgue.

News of her death shocked Bill Gentry, a close friend who remembers singing and playing piano with Melissa in their dorm lobby. "Melissa was probably one of the cleanest people I'd ever known. She didn't do drugs, smoke, or even drink. She probably wanted to try ecstasy and see what it was like," he said. "I'm sure if she knew ecstasy could kill, she never would have taken it."

Melissa died from a fatal heat reaction, known as hyperthermia. Part stimulant, ecstasy acts on the brain's hypothalamus. It ramps up heart rate and blood pressure and disrupts the brain's ability to regulate body temperature. A brain unable to cool off an overexerted body on a jam-packed dance floor spells disaster. "The body sweats and the extreme loss of water causes dehydration," says Dr. Glen Hanson, Acting Director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). "Users tend to ignore some of these symptoms, partly because the drug masks them, and partly because they're distracted by the social setting."

FAQS ON XTC

1 What is it?

Ecstasy, or methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA), is part hallucinogen and part stimulant.