The lesbian couple next door: Toni and Kelly worry about appearing on A&E's Married in America, but they want to show that their life is normal—whatever that is - television - Brief Article

The fact that Kelly lost her head and started kissing Toni Tassio at their union ceremony last summer has been an issue ever since. Not only did the kiss happen in front of director Michael Apted's movie cameras but also in front of Kelly's mother. According to Kelly (who has legally changed her surname to her partner's) and Toni, who are the two subjects of Apted's latest documentary, Married in America, it's one thing to be openly gay; it's another to kiss in public. Kelly's mother thinks homosexuality is wrong, and Kelly worries that the kissing will hurt her further. "She was crying during the ceremony," Kelly says, "and I told Toni, `Those aren't tears of happiness, you know.'" Both women-33 years old and living in central New Jersey laugh sadly and shake their heads.

This is the sort of "ordinary drama" Apted (Coal Miner's Daughter) wants to capture in his new film, a three-hour documentary made for A&E, which will examine the marriages of nine American couples in two-year in stallments over the next 10 years. (Apted's first effort of this sort is the acclaimed Seven Up series--now extended through 42 Up--which has followed the lives of a group of English men and women since childhood.)

"I am aware that of all the couples, Toni and Kelly stand the most to lose," Apted says of the only same-sex couple in the documentary. "I just hope there isn't too much pain attached to it for them. It's very courageous, what they're doing."

Kelly, a corrections supervisor in Brooklyn, N.Y., and Toni, a physical education teacher in New Jersey, will have been together for five years this summer. The two, who met on a camping trip, agreed to be in Apted's film because, Toni says, "we wanted to show people that we live as a normal couple" --she rolls her eyes--"whatever normal is." The couple, joined in a civil union in July in Vermont and then again (not legally) for friends and family in New Jersey, also wants to "show the younger generation that it's OK to be open and honest about who they are."

Though Kelly and Toni are both excited about the possibility of becoming spokespeople for the GLBT community, it's hard for them to imagine they'll be of lasting interest to audiences around the world. "Why would they choose us?" Toni says. "We live our lives the way my parents did. We dream about vacations. We dream about big houses and some land. We play scrabble at night, watch TV ..." Both women laugh. "We're very normal and boring."

But Apted chose the two women because they are so "average." As he says, "They weren't part of the metropolitan gay set. Which is how I've tried to choose all the couples." There's also a biracial couple and an interfaith couple, among others. "They have dramatic stories," Apted notes, "but they're, nonetheless, the people next door."

Toni and Kelly's story also carries another element of drama: Both women want to be artificially inseminated and raise their children together in suburban New Jersey. This is brave, considering that Toni never confided her sexuality to a single soul while growing up--and when Kelly first came out as a teen, she took it back when she saw how horrified her mother was.

"I'm not going to do that any more," Kelly says now. "It's not fun to live a double life--it's sickening."

The one thing Kelly still fears, when it comes to coming out on television, is the moment her mother sees Toni riding with her on a motorcycle. (Kelly's mother doesn't know yet that her daughter rides a Virago.) Toni thinks this tiny new secret--just like the bigger one already out of the bag--is not something to be ashamed of. "Next time," she says--"next time" being the second segment of the documentary, which comes out in two years--"it'll be a Harley."

Rohrer also writes for GQ and Elle.

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