Totally Tommy Lee

They say men don't change. True? Or not? The case of Tommy Lee, the rocker who at one time couldn't keep his fists to himself, suggests that it's never too late to learn. While locked up for assaulting his wife, Lee began to learn to keep his emotions and his head in check. The only thing violent about his life right now seems to be the music he makes with his new band, Methods of Mayhem. This is the story of his transformation

Assuming you're up on the latest tabloid fodder, you're well aware of the recent trials--complete with conviction--of Tommy Lee. Yes, this baby did some bad, bad things. Fueled by substances and the arrogance created by twenty years of rock stardom, Lee turned from beating on his drum set to beating on photographers and, sadly, his wife, Pamela Anderson Lee. He wound up losing his freedom and his family. But this story has a happy ending. The L.A. County Jail proved to be just the finishing school our hero needed. He sobered up and straightened out, read himself silly with spiritually uplifting books, then won back Pamela and his two boys.

Now Tommy Is back and ready for a second act with his new band, Methods of Mayhem. Students of the tablold press lapped up the art-Imitating-life dialogue Mr. Lee and a cast of thousands (Including Fred Durst, Snoop Dog, George Clinton, and Lil' Kim) spit out in such gems as "Anger Management," "Get Naked," "Narcotic," and "Metamorphosis" on the band's self-titled debut (MCA). With its extreme hybrid of industrial rock and rap, Methods of Mayhem will definitely challenge what's left of the brains of fans from his Motley Crue days when the band hits the road on Its fifteen-city tour this month.

ANITA SARKO: You've given so much hope to nerds and geeks everywhere. I love the fact that you learned all that hotshot rock 'n' roll showmanship in the high-school marching band!

TOMMY LEE: That's really where it started. All that showier, flashy, crazy trickery, like twirling the sticks and bouncing them off the drumheads so they fly up into the air, I learned in drum corps.

AS: Along with being in the marching band, you also studied tap and ballet. Tommy Lee: boy in tights!

TL: My sister took tap dancing and ballet, and I went to one of her classes one day and was like, Look at all these girls in here!

As: In all those formfitting outfits.

TL: Exactly. It was like, Right now I could be playing basketball with Joe and Scott, or I could be dancing hand and hand with these girls. So I chose that and I actually enjoyed it. I quit because of peer pressure. I couldn't handle it anymore: "Dude you're a fag!" I mean, now it's ridiculous when I think back, but when you're fourteen years old that stuff hurts.

AS: What happens if one of your little boys comes to you and says, "Daddy, Daddy, I wanna be a rock star."

TL: My only wish for my two boys is for them to be themselves.

AS: OK. "Daddy, Daddy, I wanna march in the school band?"

TL: Be prepared to be called a band fag.

AS: Is either of them banging on things yet?

TL: I had a small version of my drum set built for them. They tear that thing up.

AS: You started out banging on boxes and tin cans, right?

TL: Yeah. Man, when I was three, if I had a set of drums like that, who knows how much better I might have been.

AS: Are you going to want them to go to college?

TL: I'm not going to push them because I remember my parents pushing. They were really upset with me when 1 left high school my senior year. I was like, "Mom, Dad, I got a recording contract. I'm seventeen. I've gotta do this. I wanna go around the world, I wanna make music." They just thought, "What? Your little crappy band in the garage?"

AS: OK, now for the tough part. People wonder why in the world Pamela took you back? This guy beat up his wife!

TL: You say "wife beating" and I am not in denial here. Yes, I grabbed and shook my wife, but there are different degrees of that. I go to anger management and I am sitting next to people who have broken their wives' necks. All of it is just unacceptable. But when somebody says "wife beating," that is a pretty broad term. We had a heat-of-the-moment argument that got a little physical, and I am not dismissing that fact. People think, "Oh man, he's beating the shit out of her." I could never do that to a woman.

AS: When did you both start to heal?

TL: I remember this so well. I remember sitting locked up and feeling completely powerless. As soon as I accepted the fact that I was powerless, I realized I couldn't change anything but myself. I remember when someone across the cell yelled, "Hey dude, I just saw your wife and she's back with her old boyfriend!" My heart collapsed. It took me a little while to realize that I couldn't do anything about any of it and that is just the way it is. Because if I was out, who knows? I may have hunted that asshole down and harassed him--I don't know what I would have done.

AS: Wow.

TL: The great part was not being able to do anything. And that is when I learned that I am not really in control of anything but myself. Pam and I eventually started having three-way phone conversations, because the phone conversations that we attempted with just the two of us were absolute failures. We started placing blame and this and that. At the end of the day, it just didn't work. So we started having three-way conversations with a man that worked with me a couple of days a week. He is like my spiritual guru, friend, therapist. He's a great teacher. A sober person. He is a communications expert. Once the doors of communication were open, I got a chance to listen, then I got a chance to apologize. Everything started to really slowly come together and by the time I got out, I just accepted the fact that we weren't ever going to be together, and then we purely worked on it from a standpoint of just communicating as friends.