Option four: a compromise on gay marriage

NO "MARRIAGE LITE"

Would taking these steps "undermine marriage," as opponents say same-sex marriage would? It's hard to see how. The incidents of marriage that remain on the books may be important in some respects, but nobody gets married in order to enjoy them; allowing people to have them outside marriage is not going to drive down the marriage rate. Nor do most of the remaining incidents of marriage have much moral significance--the great exceptions being those incidents having to do with the raising of children, which will continue to divide social conservatives and social liberals. (Florida, for example, does not permit gay couples to adopt children.) The kinds of changes mentioned above are more akin to contractual arrangements. We allow people who are not married to each other to make all kinds of contractual arrangements without worrying that their ability to make them undermines marriage.

Social conservatives, and even some supporters of gay marriage such as the journalist Jonathan Rauch, have expressed concern that a proliferation of institutional substitutes for marriage would undermine marriage. They worry, that is, about "marriage lite." The modern practice of cohabitation illustrates the fear. If a young man is being pressured by his girlfriend to commit but does not want to marry, he can move in with her instead. Would registering as a "designated partner" (or whatever term is employed) become another way for him to avoid marriage? So, for example, his girlfriend is pressuring him to make still more of a commitment than just living together. Will he be able to placate her by going to City Hall and signing a form?

To the extent there is any reason to worry about this scenario, it's an argument for making the above reforms piecemeal, even at the cost of reduced simplicity. But there is reason to doubt that even a wholesale extension of benefits would have baleful effects. The fact that the new institution would be open to everyone-roommates who are not involved in a sexual relationship as well as those who are, siblings, friends--would tend to undermine its attractiveness as a symbol of romantic commitment.

The idea of decoupling various benefits from marriage has hardly received an airing during the debate over gay unions. When the idea entered the debate, it did so at a peculiar angle. Around the time the high court of Massachusetts ruled in favor of same-sex marriage, when social-conservative organizations were hashing out what kind of constitutional amendment they should support, some social conservatives briefly proposed one with two major features. It would define marriage as the union of a man and a woman. It would also prohibit governments from granting any benefits to unmarried couples (or groups) that were predicated on a sexual relationship. The principle was very similar to what I am advocating here, except that it was framed negatively. The social conservatives were not proposing to extend any benefits that had traditionally been tied to marriage more widely. They were suggesting that they would allow such extensions under certain conditions. They would allow benefits to be given to the unmarried, that is, if it were done on a non-discriminatory basis: If unmarried couples, heterosexual or homosexual, could get the benefit, siblings who shared the rent had to be eligible for it too.