Do's and don'ts for holiday mingling

If you are dreading the holiday office party or attending one more open house, and small talk does not come naturally to you, consider creating your own "Do's and Don'ts" cheat sheet, suggests Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills--and Leave a Positive Impression!

The cheat sheet includes: Don't ... wait to be properly introduced. Do ... take the risk to introduce yourself and be the first to say, "Hello." Act as if you are the host and introduce new arrivals to your conversational partner.

Don't ... be uncertain and wait for the other person to extend his or her hand. Do ... smile first and always shake hands when you meet anyone unless that person is prohibited by religion or culture.

Don't ... rush through introductions. Do ... take your time. Make an extra effort to remember names, and use the names in the conversation frequently.

Don't ... look around the room to see what is being served at the buffet table. Do ... maintain eye contact. People do not feel listened to if you are not looking at them.

Don't ... talk about yourself, work, kids, or that upcoming vacation in the Alps for more than a few minutes. Do ... show a genuine interest in others. Get somebody to talk about why they are attending the event or what their connection is to the host. Remember, people want to be with people who make them feel special, not people who are special.

Don't ... get distracted easily by party noise and activities or give one-word answers and fall into a conversation rut. Do ... listen carefully for information that can keep the conversation going. Give verbal cues that you are following along.

Don't ... put your foot in your mouth. Do ... be careful with acquaintances. You would not want to open a conversation with "How's your job?" What if the person just got fired or laid off? Be careful when you are asking about an acquaintance's spouse or special friend: you could regret it.

Don't ... become an FBI agent. Questions like "What do you do?"; "Are you married?"; "Do you have children?"; and 'M/here are you from?" lead to dead-end conversations. Do ... use open-ended questions such as "Tell me about your holiday plans" or "What got you interested in architecture?"

Don't ... exhibit negative body language. Do ... appear approachable by smiling and standing up straight.

Don't ... enter an open house, party, or get-together unprepared. Do ... remind yourself what you already know about the people you expect to interact with. This can come in handy in the middle of an awkward moment or when seated at a table of eight where everyone is playing with his or her food.

Don't ... melt away from conversation. Do ... show appreciation and exit gracefully. Make a positive impression by shaking hands and saying goodbye as you leave.

COPYRIGHT 2006 Society for the Advancement of Education
COPYRIGHT 2008 Gale, Cengage Learning