Kids stressed out by the season

With the extra shopping, errands, school activities, travel, parties, family gatherings, and the inevitable missed naps, children's behavior can become "basically unmanageable" over the holidays, warns Maria Schmidt, an assistant professor in the Human Development and Family Studies Program at Indiana University, Bloomington. "Kids really thrive on routine. When they know what's going on and know what to expect, they know how to behave"

Schmidt offers the following tips:

* Adjust your expectations concerning your children's behavior--acknowledge that their routines have changed, and thus their behavior will be different.

* Listen to the kids. Their behavior is how they communicate, Schmidt points out.

* Do not worry so much about what extended family members think. Unless they have small children, they likely will not understand how disruptive eating dinner during nap time, for example, can be.

Moreover, keep in mind that visiting relatives during the holiday season may be more stressful to your toddler than you imagine. Newborns to children age six feel the stress their parents experience. "The stress you are feeling as a parent is compounded in the children, and they don't understand why their parents are behaving so differently," cautions Mary McMullen, associate professor of early childhood education. She says that children often do not yet have the words to explain why their parents are upset or angry, and the unpredictable behavior their parents exhibit worries them. "Their whole life has been turned upside down. Keep things as normal and routine as possible."

For families who are making a long-distance trip, McMullen suggests trying to keep routine activities on a regular schedule concerning meals, play or reading time, and bedtime. Try to explain to kids how you feel in words they understand. "This is a good time to have a dialogue about emotions," McMullen advises. "You don't have to say 'Grandma drives me insane,' but talking about how you're extra tired is a very good way to help explain to children how you feel."

Signs that your child is not adjusting well include: extremes in emotion or mood swings; excessive sleeping, screaming, or crying; and difficulties with food or bathroom habits.

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