It could happen

Week 10: Health authorities in England trace the latest European outbreak of mad cow disease back to the visit by T.Sir. The league suspends T.Sir, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention quarantines him, but HBO responds by giving T.Sir a weekly half-hour show.

Week 11: A landmark decision sure to reverberate through all of sports is handed down by the U.S. Supreme Court, which awards Broncos running back Terrell Davis the use of a golf cart on the sideline as well as to and from the Denver huddle.

Week 12: After passing the Cowboys to a Thanksgiving Day victory over the highly touted Broncos--a win that was cemented when the battery in Davis' golf cart went dead--Dallas quarterback Quincy Carter runs like Terrell Owens to the star at midfield in Texas Stadium, where he rips off one of those false-face masks and reveals his true identity: Jerry Jones.

Week 13: Brett Favre arrives for a Monday night game in Jacksonville, Fla., with his broken fingers taped together, his broken arms in plaster casts and his head restricted by a halo device. That morning, he is the first male human to give birth. In the afternoon, he is abducted by a UFO and endures an alien probe. That night, he arrives by ambulance and, before entering the game, he stands up from his wheelchair and pulls an intravenous needle from his right arm. He then passes for 350 yards and three touchdowns, including a bounce pass off of Jaguars cornerback Aaron Beasley into Antonio Freeman's arms for the game-winning touchdown in overtime. Favre's triumph over pain is so touching that even Jags coach Tom Coughlin cracks a smile.

Week 14: In response to criticism that the league treats quarterbacks like Faberge eggs and comes down too hard on the violence that is at the heart of the game's popularity, the league's new director of officiating, Vince McMahon, announces new scoring rules for the 2002 season. Teams will get one point for a hit that knocks off a helmet or any other article of clothing; two points for a hit that sends an opponent to the sideline on a stretcher, and three points for a hit that spills bodily fluids on the field.

Week 15: Admittedly jealous about the number of acting gigs that teammate Jason Sehorn is getting, Giants defensive lineman Michael Strahan takes a sabbatical from football to film a movie. Strahan is playing the lead role in Shrek 2, because the cartoon character from Dream Works SKG's original movie has signed with the Chargers and already is a starter in their offensive line.

Week 16: Rumors of a Bill Parcells takeover of the NFL franchise in Tampa Bay become so rampant that Bucs coach Tony Dungy gets a little jumpy about his job security--even with one of the best records in the NFC. Dungy admits to seeing Parcells' face in place of the skull on the team's logo and hearing Parcells' voice coming from the rolls on Jerry Wunsch's belly.

Week 17: The Rams and Colts wear grooves into the Dome at America's Center artificial turf and short-circuit the scoreboard with an offensive display reminiscent of the late 1970s and early '80s ... in the NBA. The final tally--Rams 102, Colts 101--prompts the league to hire NASCAR and FIFA to consult on future offensive restrictions. The auto-racing people suggest restrictor plates for receivers and running backs and recommend the HANS device for defenders. Hearing this, the soccer people report back with two words: No hands.