Relationship moves you'll regret later

"There is no privacy issue, because I should be able to look into his wallet and see everything that he has in his wallet, and it shouldn't trouble him; and he should be able to go into my purse and I shouldn't have any trouble with that," Dr. Finner-Williams explains. "He can tell me that he's going to have lunch with a friend at a certain restaurant and I should be able to pop over for drinks. We are one and there isn't any part of his life that isn't open and honest to me, and vice versa." (What is appropriate for a long-term committed relationship may not be appropriate when dating.)

Dr. Hargrow says you should trust your mate, but don't turn a blind eye to the obvious. "Long-term relationships should have an element of trust, and I wouldn't recommend following a partner around or going through his or her pockets," she says. "Now, if there are signs [of infidelity] that you can clearly see and you choose to close your eyes to them, you may have feelings of insecurity within yourself and it would be a good idea to see a psychotherapist and work on the relationship."

Ringing your lover's phone off the hook and/or making his home your home away from home (without permission) is also considered invading one's privacy; and you'll be labeled a clinger or a bugaboo, warns Baisden. "Don't bug a man; don't call him all the time; and get up and leave when it's time to go," he says. "It's a major turn-on for a man to feel as if you want him to have his privacy. That is a way of saying, `You can still have your life, and we can still be together.'"

Throwing A Tantrum Or Hitting A Partner

Violence or abusive behavior is yet another desperate relationship tactic some lovers use in order to gain control of a situation or to gain control over their partner. It's a known fact that men aren't the only ones who exhibit violent behavior; some women like to drive their mates to the edge by throwing punches as well.

Motivational speaker and novelist Michael Baisden says that if a woman strikes a man, all bets are off for their relationship. "If you love a guy and, more importantly, if you respect and admire this man, how can you hit him? If a woman hits me, that ends it--unless she gets some counseling," he says.

Dr. Hargrow agrees that violent behavior by either partner within a relationship should be addressed immediately.

"If you are in a new relationship or an established relationship that you value, and if you are ever tempted to do anything that is dishonest or hurtful to your mate, then that is the time when you should go and seek counseling," she advises. "Work on your individual issues and then work together as a couple."

So, before you decide to cheat, lie, steal one's privacy or waste one's time, perhaps you should consider this: You may have control over your actions, lint you have virtually no control over the consequences of your actions.

Make your next relationship move accordingly.

COPYRIGHT 2002 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2002 Gale Group