The joys and dangers of flirting; how to flirt when to flirt when not to flirt

"Flirting with other people when you're married is okay," says Dr. Gardere, the author and radio host. "Flirting is a healthy thing because instead of keeping your sexuality caged up inside where it may be expressed in dangerous ways or extramarital affairs, it allows you to make someone else feel good and it makes you feel good. I encourage married people to flirt as long as they keep it at the flirtation stage."

But Dixon, a single executive, and many others strongly disagree. "If you're married, flirtation is an affair. Lust is an emotion, not an action. It's right up there with adultery. Being unfaithful includes anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse," she says. "So instead of flirting with someone else, you should flirt with your spouse. They'll love it."

OVERCOMING REJECTION

No matter how good you are at flirting, rejection is a natural part of flirting and shouldn't slow you down. Experts say that the best way to overcome the fear of rejection is to learn from it. Ask yourself, 'What can I do better next time?' and 'What kind of person should I go after next time?' Experts encourage flirting, even after rejection, because many times people flirt with all the wrong people.

Despite your intentions, beware of the danger signals that could lead to compromising situations. If a person starts to physically back away from you or if they stop volunteering information, then you've gone as far as you need to go. Even if what you're doing is totally innocent, you have to know when to stop.

When involved in a flirtatious situation, it's important for men and women to keep a level head and keep excessive drinking out of the picture. if you are rude or touch someone inappropriately, then you've gone too far.

PERFECTING THE ART OF FLIRTATION

As people grow older, they are more aware of their desires and better able to perfect their flirting. "I think everyone gets better at picking who they are going to flirt with," says Jeraldine Marshall, a twentysomething single female in Seattle. "Men get better at not offending women. Women get better at sending out the clues to let men know that they're interested."

Dr. Gardere agrees that flirtation changes with age. "Younger people are a bit more aggressive. They are more into the physical looks of the person and their flirting is based on that interest. Usually, younger people will introduce the topic of sex sooner in a conversation. Older people, on the other hand, have a flirtatious manner that is more mature and is based on the quality of the person."

"But the best flirtation occurs when you take the sex out of the flirting and focus instead on creating a complimentary atmosphere while being genuine in your intentions. Tell the truth," he says. "Flirtations don't work when you're lying."

COPYRIGHT 2003 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group