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Sisters, beware! How to spot a 'playa'
Ebony, Sept, 2003 by Zondra Hughes
THE "playa's" club operates much like a franchise and its male members (yes, Sisters, there are some female playas out there, too) come in all forms, from all walks of life, and from all over the globe.
To begin with, there's the Married Playa (who likes to frequent the singles-only clubs), the Holy Roller Playa (who is prone to picking up his unsuspecting victims in the pews), the Eligible Bachelor (who is quite adept at luring marriage-minded women with the fantasy of settling down, although he never does), the Gigolo (who offers love in exchange for your loot), and perhaps the most dangerous playa of all, the down-and-dirty Womanizer, whose main goal is to win a woman's trust and then break her heart.
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For the record, not all Brothers are playas--many Black men do not participate in such ludicrousness, and those who do at one point or another grow up and grow out of practicing the relationship-repellent behavior that is the calling card of a mack daddy.
But the others, the defiant males who refuse to turn in that so-called playa's card, knows no boundaries when it comes to getting what they want from a woman and will stoop to any level to make a conquest. According to relationship experts and current and reformed playas, the best way of protecting yourself from falling prey to the playa's games is to watch out for the following red flags when you're dating and mating.
[RED FLAG] You can't call his home
Are you playing a game of catch-him-if-you-can with your mate? On the surface, it appears that this playa wants to be caught by you because he's given you all of his pertinent info: His personal e-mail address, his cell phone number, his pager number, and the phone numbers to Big Mama's house, Ray-Ray's crib and even the local barbershop. But do you have his home phone number? If not, this is a major red flag, and according to one self-proclaimed playa, the implications of not having a home phone number are ominous.
In New Orleans, Raymond *, a 35-year-old nightclub disc jockey, says that although he is in a "serious" relationship, he's been successful at keeping his club flings away from his main woman at home simply by not giving out his home phone number.
"These girls don't even ask for my home phone number," Raymond insists. "They think that having my cell phone number is major, but I have three cell phones; one for my woman, one for club business and one for the [club flings]."
When you meet a man, ask him for his home phone number. If he refuses, watch your back warns Chicago-area psychologist George E. Smith.
"Withholding the home phone number is a major red flag because he's being deceitful," Dr. Smith explains. "Why do you need to call him at his mother's house, especially if he doesn't live there? And many mothers will cover for their cheating sons, especially if they don't like the current woman he's with. I've seen this game so much that it's shameful."
[TIP] If you can't get access to a landline for the Brother, keep on moving.
[RED FLAG] You only see him when he wants to see you.
In Minneapolis, Trudy * was very happy with her beau Mack *, but during the course of their year-long relationship, Trudy had become used to seeing Mack, a truck driver, only when his work schedule allowed her to do so.
Trudy wasn't able to locate Mack for days at a time, and when she did hear from him, it was at odd hours of the night. To make matters worse, Mack's work alibi didn't hold up because he was a local truck driver for a beverage company, and his job never required him to leave town.
Trudy found out that Mack was unavailable the hard way.
"One day Mack and I were strolling hand-in-hand at the mall when his shocked teenaged son (who was ditching school) confronted us. I didn't know Mack had kids. I didn't know Mack had a wife. I immediately realized that he was sharing most of his time with his family."
If your man is notoriously unavailable when you want to see him, it may be because he's unavailable, and/or he's juggling his time between you and another woman, says Atlanta-area psychologist Tiy-E Muhammad, author of Secrets Men Keep, What They Don't Tell.
[TIP] "Seeing him on his terms is the male's way of letting you know that you are on his timetable," explains Dr. Muhammad. "And he gives each woman in the rotation her [block of] quality time to make her appreciate her role in his life. He allows you to feel as if it's a privilege to be with him or even to talk to him."
[RED FLAG] He asks you for money.
In a slowing economy, you can expect the gigolos to come out in droves. In some cases, they are working two or three women at a time in order to keep their affluent lifestyle intact. The master gigolos don't come right out and ask you for your loot; instead, they spend a little money on you in the beginning and then hit you for a lump sum later, according to experts. And of course, you will never see your loot again.
But not repaying your loan is not as low as it gets.
In St. Louis, Lisa * learned a sobering lesson from her leeching beau.
