How to become stress-proof: some people never seem to get rattled. Learn their secrets for staying calm and centered - Mind, body, spirit: nurture the whole you

YOU TOO CAN JOIN THE ranks of the unflappable, even if your life isn't always serene. In the process you'll protect yourself from health problems like heart disease and cancer. Letting stress roll off your back may help you live longer, says Margery Silver, Ed.D., associate director of the New England Centenarian Study in Boston. Silver says that the 100-plusers in that study possess inner strengths that helped them bounce back from difficulties.

Here's how you can develop three key traits that will allow you to handle stressful situations with effortless grace and resilience.

Be a Realist

Sometimes your reaction to a stressor causes you more anxiety than the stressor itself, says Allen Elkin, Ph.D., New York City-based author of Stress Management for Dummies (John Wiley and Sons, 1999). Fortunately, you have the ability to reassess your thoughts and reduce your stress levels a few notches. The following will help you avoid creating unnecessary angst.

Get It Right. Try one of Elkin's favorite tricks: Rate the amount of stress you're feeling on a 10-point scale, where 1 is fairly calm and 10 equates to incredibly stressed. Next, grade how dire the situation really is on a similar scale, where 1 is equivalent to stubbing your toe and 10 is like losing a loved one. Then compare the two numbers. For example, if you just miss a subway train, you might have a reaction of 4. But since you know that another train will likely follow three minutes later, the situation would realistically merit a 1. Here you have a 4 reaction to a 1 situation, which means your distorted thinking is creating extra stress. If you can correct your perspective, the problem won't seem so terrible and you can wait in peace for the next train.

Break Negative Chains of Thought. Overestimating the significance of a stressor isn't the only mind game that can increase stress. Another common example of what Simone Ravicz, Ph.D., a stress expert in Los Angeles, calls "stinking thinking" is imagining the extreme worst-case scenario when something minor goes wrong. For instance, you might think "I didn't finish the project in time, so I'm a total failure." Another common stress inducer is predicting unrealistic consequences, like "if I don't do this presentation perfectly, I'll never get another chance to win this client." Often these patterns are so ingrained that you fall into them automatically, which can make it difficult to become aware of them and tricky to overcome them.

To discover which pattern you fall into, write down the situation (didn't finish the project in time) and your thoughts about it (I'm a failure). Seeing these two things on paper can help you recognize the incongruity. To correct your thinking, take an inventory of your experiences: Have you ever worked on a project that you completed successfully and on time? Most likely, you have done this several times. The next time faulty thinking strikes, use this audit exercise to put your stress in perspective. The more you do this, the less likely you are to fall prey to negative thought patterns.

Get Creative

It's natural to feel tense when your life seems out of control. But by developing your powers of creativity, you can find ways to take charge of troubling situations. These tips can awaken your resourcefulness.

Make Use of Adversity. Wallowing in your distress prevents you from identifying solutions. But once you face the facts about a predicament, you can tap your creative problem-solving skills. For example, what if your commute leaves you tied in knots before you even get to work? Since you can't make traffic move any faster or reserve yourself a spot on an overly crowded train, tackle what you can control: Turn that stressful time into something valuable. Take an audio course on a subject you have always wanted to learn about, read that book you've had on your nightstand for the past two months, or meditate. Silver tells the story of one centenarian who loved to read but had severe visual impairment. Instead of giving up books, she figured out that if she used a dental visor with a strong light and a magnifying glass, she could read for a few hours.

Take Control. When you're stumped by a stressful situation, take 10 minutes to write down every possible solution, regardless of how outrageous it may seem. Seeing your options on paper helps you view the problem in a different light, and if you don't edit yourself you might uncover a brilliant solution. For example, if you have a problem at work, your list may range from the practical (asking your supervisor for help) to the fantastic (quit your job and move back in with your parents). Writing out a list of your options reminds you that you're free to choose your course of action, which can reduce your anxiety. No matter what you eventually decide, you have taken control of your situation.

Cultivate Optimism

Research confirms that having an optimistic outlook helps you handle stress better than being gloomy. "We're not asking you to ignore the negative, to ignore what is happening, but to focus on what is possible even through the difficulty," says Lori Leyden-Rubenstein, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in North Kingstown, R.I., and author of The Stress Management Handbook (McGraw-Hill, 1998). Use these tips to silence your cynical nature.