Can we be honest? Small lies are a big part of our lives. Daring to tell the truth—to yourself and to others—improves your relationships and de-stresses your mind and body

WHEN TO HOLD YOUR TONGUE

Though some people practice an all-honesty, all-the-time approach, most of us need to incorporate caution and diplomacy, for our own sake as well as that of others. Here are three questions to ask yourself when you're deciding whether to reveal all.

1. Wheat are my intentions?

Telling the truth to manipulate a situation or hurt someone is a dishonest use of honesty. Pastor and author Mark D. Roberts says we should make sure we are "speaking the truth in love," rather than meanness, while psychotherapist Susan Campbell, Ph.D., encourages honesty "with the intent to be transparent with thoughts and feelings."

2. Can this person be trussed?

If you don't feel safe revealing your emotions to someone, just say so, without anger or blame. For instance: "I don't want to share my thoughts with you right now because I'm afraid you might make fun of them" or, more simply, "I'm not comfortable talking about that right now." Even if we trust the other person's intentions, we may not have faith in their interest or ability to understand our feelings.

3. Is this the right time and place?

When the store clerk asks how you are, it's OK to say "fine," especially if there are other people in line. With co-workers, you could say, "Thanks for asking, but I don't really want to talk about it." If that seems heavy-handed, try "I'm still here"; "Well, it's Monday"; or simply "How nice of you to ask. How are you.?"

COPYRIGHT 2005 Weider Publications
COPYRIGHT 2005 Gale Group