Chinese cultural dimensions of death, dying, and bereavement: focus group findings

The fear of bringing bad luck to oneself or others is also exemplified in the notion that certain gifts or colors symbolize death. For example, the Chinese would never consider giving handkerchiefs as gifts because they symbolize tears, grief, and death. In addition, the color of white symbolizes death, while the color red conveys luck and good fortune. In ancient Chinese customs, brides wear red gowns to symbolize happiness and good fortunate, unlike Western wedding apparel. Consequently, wearing a white ribbon in one's hair is considered bad luck.

The Chinese also believe that the relationship between the dead and the living is continuous. Although the deceased is no longer on earth, they are alive in the after-life. The spirits of the deceased continue to live on, and the responsibility, of the living family members is to provide care. This is a part of the concept of filial piety. Failure to provide for the deceased will bring bad luck not only to the immediate family but also to the entire family clan. Participants in all the groups consistently mentioned that the spirits continue to remain on earth.

   "My family believes that the sprats are still alive. Each year we still
   pray, and we believe the person is still there and that they re a guiding
   spirit. (No name, MSW Student Focus Group).

   "Even ordinary people, after they die, we believe that their spirit will
   live on. We believe that our ancestors and all our descendants will always
   have a relationship." (YS, Pastors Focus Group).

   "We believe that the spirit is still around during this period.... you
   really want to show respect to the dead during this period, so that they
   will be left in peace (LT, Service Provider Focus Group).

Although death is considered a taboo and bad luck, when elderly people die, the Chinese believe they have lived along life, and there is some joy resulting from this knowledge. However, when children die, the Chinese believe that this is not consistent with the natural order of life. The Chinese have an adage that says something to the effect that the "white hair does not send dark hair away." When a child does die, the family considers the death very shameful and will condemn themselves, believing that the gods have not blessed them. Participants disclosed that the parents of the deceased child often will not attend the funeral.

   "It is not,a natural death ... They will condemn themselves--"I must have
   done something bad. It is something very bad, something very shameful ...
   and people with gray hair don t go to the funeral Of young people with
   black hair (DS, Service Provider Focus Group).

   "Now if you are good, you will have long life and a lot of kids. All the
   kids will live long and will be successful. However, if suddenly, your kid
   dies, there is something wrong. The god did not bless you. So if the
   parents are white headed and old, older than the dead person, they won't
   attend the funeral." (EL, Pastors Focus Group)