The Vegetarian Cinophile

Note: With the widespread availability of videocassette players, video rental stores, and multiple cable TV channels, it is now possible to access an enormous variety of films, and the public is no longer dependent solely on the vicissitudes of what the local movie houses or network TV stations choose to program. This column considers selected general-release films, both past and present, which the author believes hold particular interest for viewers with a vegetarian perspective.

ACE VENTURA, PET DETECTIVE (1993) Jim Carrey, Courtney Cox, Sean Young. Directed by Tom Shadyac (85 min).

The wildly popular film that propelled Jim Carrey to superstardom, Ace Ventura, Pet Detective, is like a scatter-gun, shooting irreverence around indiscriminately, hitting everything in and out of sight. This is an occasion to find out if our sense of humor will allow us to laugh at ourselves. Male chauvinism and homophobia, among other "politically incorrect" behaviors, are exhibited to the point of absurdity. Even ordinary conventional social graces are lambasted--for example, (false) modesty: after Ace (Carrey) makes an astute investigative observation, Melissa (Cox) later comments, "That was pretty impressive." Replies Ace, "You don't have to tell me--I was there."

One area, however, gets off rather lightly: man's relationship to animals. This is somewhat surprising since use of animals is central to the film. Yet there is an almost sacrosanct aura surrounding references to animals here, as if they were off-limits. Continuing the exchange begun above, Melissa adds, "Maybe you should become a real detective." Ace replies, "I don't do humans." Melissa observes, "You really love animals, don't you?" With perhaps the most humor that animals ever get here, Ace answers, "If it gets cold enough." But he continues in a serious vein, maybe for the only time in the film, "I have a kinship with them--I understand them."

The plot concerns the kidnapping of the Miami Dolphins football team's pet mascot, naturally, a dolphin (named "Snowflake"). This, some two weeks before the team's scheduled appearance in the Super Bowl, throws the team's management into consternation, so they hire a "pet detective," a new specialty breed invented in this film. (Any animal advocates out there want to open a real pet detective agency?)

We've already met Ace; he has retrieved a kidnapped dog for a gorgeous female client who offers Ace sexual favors as an expression of gratitude in a tongue-in-cheek (no pun intended) opening episode. On his way up to his apartment, Ace is way-laid by his landlord who is in search of past-due rent. Spotting the bag full of pet food which Ace is carrying, the landlord reminds Ace that no pets are allowed in the apartment. "What do you have all that pet food for?" he challenges. After a moment's pause, Ace rejoins, "Fiber?" The landlord demands a look inside the apartment to see if any pets are there. After over-long fidgeting with the lock, Ace finally opens the door, with not an animal in sight. Satisfied, the landlord leaves. Ace whistles, and a veritable zoo of creatures emerges from every nook and cranny of the apartment: out of the toilet, out of the closets, the vases, you name it; dozens of animals of different species, birds, monkeys, rodents, amphibians, as well as cats and dogs, all trained to hide from the landlord and come out on cue. Later, reactions of these animals are merrily interspersed with shots of Ace and his lover during a particularly athletic sexual liaison.

While hiring Ace to find the missing dolphin, the team's owner keeps calling the dolphin a "fish," and Ace keeps correcting him that it's a mammal. "Filet it and fast food it if you want to," the owner replies, adding that all he wants is that fish on the field in two weeks for the Super Bowl. The team's Head of Operations interjects, "I'll tell you who did it. It's those goddamn animal rights activists. Always out there with their goddamn signs `Animals were born free,' and `Stop torturing Snowflake.' That fish lives better than they do!" The animal rights group in question is called "FAN," an acronym for "free animals now." We are later told that last year they sent 127 threatening letters to schools.

The police are also investigating the theft, so Ace goes down to the station to see what they have found out so far. One of the detectives, spotting Ace, steps on a cockroach and says, "Homicide, Ventura; how you gonna solve that one?" Replies Ace, "First I establish a motive. In this case, the killer saw the size of the bug's [phallus] and became insanely jealous." The detective takes a swing at Ace, who pins him on the floor by the squashed insect. "Kiss and make up," says Ace. The Chief of Detectives, Lois Einhorn (Young), doesn't want Ace meddling in their investigation, and tells him to stay out, threatening, "How would you like me to make your life a living hell?" "I'm not ready for a relationship," Ace counters. So much for romanticism.