Step by step: changing the way you view your body doesn't happen overnight. But it can happen …

According to national weight guidelines, my body mass index and the high-tech body-fat scale in my bathroom, I am a perfectly healthy, normal woman. Why, then, can being at the high end of my acceptable four-pound weight range send me into a tizzy? Logical me knows that body weight fluctuates on a daily, if not hourly, basis, but neurotic me thinks that those couple of pounds signal a tailspin into the dark depths of obesity. The hours I spend worrying about calories, fat grams and working out drain not only my time but my energy as well. It's exhausting work being obsessive.

At the urging of friends, family and colleagues (all of whom, I suspect, were sick to death of hearing about those few pounds), I enrolled in Shape magazine's five-day Body Positive workshop at Canyon Ranch spa in Lenox, Mass. Created by fitness experts and behavioral therapists, the program was designed to help women explore the influence that body image has on our health, relationships and lives in general. I knew this was an opportunity I had to seize, but there was this little voice in my head telling me to leave well enough alone.

I decided to hit the mute button on that voice, and on a recent warm, sunny day set out to come to peace with my body. But not before stopping to pick up a box of Junior Mints for the three-hour ride and a package of Twizzlers to keep stashed in my room at the spa. As I relished my little snack, I con templated what I might get out of the next few days. Slowly, a fear that I was about to undergo a cult-like reprogramming washed over me. Would there be some strange ritual to signify our progress, like sitting around in bathing suits--or, God forbid, less--examining and appreciating our bodies? Panic set in as I questioned what I had gotten myself into.

All too soon, it was time to find out. I pulled up to the idyllic setting of sprawling green fields dotted with white gazebos and Adirondack chairs and quickly stashed the empty candy box in the glove compartment, concerned that the parking valet might see my weakness.

Bodies of Evidence

After settling into my room, it was time to meet my fellow recruits in the body image war. I figured they'd all be like me--young professionals who wanted to drop a few pounds but first needed to stop obsessing. I could not have been more wrong.

When I ventured into the first session, I found 32 women, representing every point on the spectrum of age, size and body type. Once they began sharing their stories in this initial meeting, I learned that their reasons for being there were far more diverse than a little weight loss. There were menopausal women seeking an understanding of how their bodies were changing. A few were new mothers looking to come to terms with their new bodies. Some had overcome eating disorders and were there to reaffirm their progress, and others still wanted to avoid passing on to their daughters the issues they'd been saddled with as children.

Everyone in the room had spoken except me. When I finally got up the courage to speak, I could feel my face getting flushed and hear my voice beginning to shake. For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to say that a large part of why I was there was because of how I grew up: in Connecticut, the blond-haired, blue-eyed, hairbands and pearls part of Connecticut, where looks mattered. A lot. And I knew that this upbringing was behind the fact that I still compare myself with others and fear not measuring up. I didn't need years of therapy to unearth my insecurities--they were right there in full sight. What I did need was to learn how to bypass my fears and figure out how to appreciate my body and my mind.

A Different Fitness

In one of the many workshops of that long weekend, Ann Kearney-Cooke, Ph.D., made a simple yet profound point that still echoes in my head. In our culture, she said, the question "Who am I?" becomes "What should I look like?" One participant drove this point home when she confessed that after having her baby, she was so embarrassed by her body that she thought about joining a second gym to get back into shape before returning to her real gym. That's when her husband sent her here.

I remained closed-mouthed during most of our sessions, but I found these women's words comforting. Although our reasons for being there were different, we were all reaching for the same brass ring--self-acceptance from ourselves. A camaraderie was developing, and I could feel myself garnering strength from the insight of others and the bond we were forming.

Predictably, the program included tips on optimizing your workouts, burning more fat and boosting your metabolism. But the primary focus was on getting and staying in shape for the purpose of feeling good, rather than just looking good. One participant shared an anecdote that put the concept into perfect context. "After I completed my first marathon," she said, "I vowed to never complain about my thighs again. I realized that they are what got me across that finish line."