A New Paradigm for Understanding Women's Sexuality and Sexual Orientation

DeLamater (1987) has suggested that adolescent men and women develop different beliefs about the types of persons who are appropriate sex partners and the time when sexual expression is acceptable. DeLamater reviewed research indicating that men are more likely to have a recreational orientation toward sex, in which most women are potential sex partners and no particular emotional relationship is needed as a prerequisite for sex. In contrast, women tend to have a relational orientation, in which sexuality is seen as an integral part of an ongoing, emotional relationship. Similar patterns may also characterize lesbians and gay men. In an analysis of lesbian and gay novels, Rose (1996) found that the most common story line for women was a "romance script" emphasizing emotional intimacy, sexual attraction rather than sexual activity, and progress toward commitment. In contrast, the most common story line for gay men was an adventure script emphasizing the physical attractiveness of the partner, surmounting obst acles to love, and ambivalence about emotional intimacy. Another study asked lesbians and gay men to describe an actual recent first date (Klinkenberg & Rose, 1994). Lesbians' dating scripts were more intimacy focused and less sexually oriented than those of gay men.

Men and women also differ in their reasons for having sex. In samples of married and dating heterosexuals, women said they desired intimacy from their sexual encounter; they viewed the goal of sex as expressing affection to another person in a committed relationship (Hatfield, Sprecher, Pillemer, Greenberger, & Wexler, 1989). In contrast men wanted sexual variety and partner initiative; they emphasized physical gratification as the goal of sex. In a study of lesbians and gay men, similar differences were found (Leigh, 1989).

Sexual Behavior

One of the largest and most consistent gender differences in sexuality concerns engaging in autoerotic sex without a partner. In a meta-analysis (Oliver & Hyde, 1993), males were substantially more likely than females to masturbate, with an effect size of d = .96. Laumann et al. (1994) found similar gender differences among both homosexual and heterosexual respondents: Women were significantly less likely than men to have masturbated during the last year. Further, among both heterosexuals and homosexuals, males report a significantly greater number of sex partners than do females (e.g., Bell & Weinberg, 1978; Laumann et al., 1994; Oliver & Hyde, 1993).

Another male-female difference concerns the timing of sex in the development of a relationship. In several studies of heterosexuals, women were significantly more likely than men to say that they were in love with their first coital partner (DeLamater, 1987). A similar pattern is found among sexual-minority adolescents: Diamond and Savin-Williams (this issue) reported that 70% of women had their first same-sex sexual contact within an established same-sex romantic relationship, compared to only 5% of the men. Other research also suggests that among lesbians, an intimate friendship often precedes sexual involvement (e.g., Vetere, 1982). Lesbians are much less likely than gay men to have sex with a new partner on a first date (Klinkenberg & Rose, 1994).