Heterosexism and the Study of Women's Romantic and Friend Relationships

In summary, new insights about women's relationships are overlooked when heterosexist assumptions are unacknowledged. As shown above, current research suggests that the behavior of lesbians--and sometimes of heterosexual women-- may not be congruent with cultural scripts for romantic relationship in two areas: sexuality and relationship development. Using lesbian experience as the center of analysis would generate new areas of inquiry that could lead to the development of more comprehensive theories.

Friendship

If sexual passion is the chief feature of romantic relationship scripts, intimacy is the core element of friendship. Current conceptions portray friendship, intimacy, and self-disclosure as being almost synonymous. Intimacy, sexuality, and power in friendship are expected to combine in a companionate love blend of high emotional closeness, equality, and low sexuality. The picture of friendship as a positive, close, personal relationship that is freely chosen is one that permits considerable flexibility in its contours. Indeed, friendship tends to be less formally scripted than romantic relationships and is regarded as one of the least institutionalized of all relationships (Allan, 1993). As a "voluntary" relationship, it is not coerced or even facilitated by social roles or rules (Palisi & Ransford, 1987). At minimum, friends are expected to fulfill six responsibilities: to stand up for their friend in the friend's absence, share news of success, show emotional support, trust and confide in each other, volun teer help in time of need, and strive to make the friend happy when in each other's company (Argyle & Henderson, 1984). Equality is regarded as a hallmark of friendship; differences in interpersonal power or material resources are expected to be leveled between friends; if not, the friendship may not survive. Friendships are expected to last only as long as they continue to be satisfying. Gender roles are implicated strongly in cultural scripts for friendship. Women's same-sex friendships generally are conceived as being more intimate and emotionally expressive than men's, and men's friendships as being more activity oriented (Duck & Wright, 1993).

Friendship Development

The heterosexism of relationship scripts may play a role in friendship development in ways that have not yet been fully explored. Heterosexual women's relations with partners and friends occur within a context that highly values marriage as a social institution (O'Connor, 1992). As a result, their friendships occur within and are predominantly shaped by the marital relationship. The acceptable role for women's friendships in this scenario is to complement the marriage. Although married women's friendships might provide help and intimacy that lessens the demands made on the spouse, they may also produce feelings of jealousy and conflicting commitments. Traditional methods for dealing with this include devaluing these friendships, limiting their importance, and upholding the primacy of the marital relationship by discouraging visits with women friends when the husband is home. Even single women's friendships have been studied within a context dominated by the acceptance of heterosexual relationships (O'Connor, 1992). Once single heterosexual women begin seriously considering marriage, they begin to conform to traditional stereotypes by not going to bars and restricting their interactions with friends to respectable activities (Green, Hebron, & Woodward, 1990).