Daters of Gen Z say they long for deeper, more honest conversations about feelings and emotions — despite the fact that a new survey shows most are unwilling to practice making those kinds of connections with each other offline when AI is available. That paradox lies at the core of Hinge’s most recent D.A.T.E. Report, from Hinge Labs, which surveyed some 30,000 users in multiple countries and found an increasing divide between the urge for intimacy and the confidence to jump-start it — particularly among young adults.
The finding: Gen Z wants substantive conversation but is slower to initiate it, and some of them are using tools like ChatGPT to facilitate introductions or keep the chat going. And what it begets is a dating culture where authenticity is prized, but getting to know someone more than surface-level also becomes a game of performance anxiety, where how people behave online complicates how we’re supposed to perceive their authentic selves.
Gen Z Want Deeper Talks but Struggle to Start Them
Gen Z daters are 36% less likely than their millennial counterparts to start out a deep conversation on the first date, reports say. Among users at large, 35 percent say they hesitate because they have no idea how to start other than stock questions. In other words, the appetite for substance having been established, it is with the opening line that the hurdle comes.
The data also shows gender-based miscommunications early in dating. The article “For Gen Z, the Coronavirus Is Bringing Heartbreaking Realizations” details a new questionnaire of 7,000 residents across Generations X and Y and ages from 14 to over 70: Among Gen Z women who identify as heterosexual, 42% feel that when they date men are hesitant to go too deep in conversation on the first few dates compared with only 16% of older generations; conversely, while three-quarters of those men worry about it making them look weak or vulnerable if they were honest on those early dates, two-thirds actually do want to have those deeper conversations. That disconnect also fuels role expectations warned by Hinge’s love and connection expert Moe Ari Brown, which can “quietly sabotage” chemistry due to the way it locks people into passive or overly performative scripts.
Behavior follows predictably: 43% of Gen Z women said they wait for the other person to take conversations deeper, sometimes assuming men don’t want it. For Gen Z men, meanwhile, 48 percent experience fear of expressing emotion and emotional intimacy due to the feeling that they are “too much.” Those anxieties reflect previous Hinge findings that 95 percent of Gen Z daters agonize over being rejected and 56 percent report that such fear has prevented them from pursuing a promising match.
Social Media Complicates Vulnerability in Modern Dating
Social media customs are exacerbating the reluctance. Gen Z men are about as likely to report that they feel generally intimidated in dating situations (47 percent) and pressured to act a certain way in their personal lives because of social media (49 percent), compared with 38 percent and 45 percent of Gen Z women, respectively. Half of Gen Z men, 45 percent of Gen Z women and 39 percent of nonbinary Gen Z daters say social platforms have made them more reluctant to be emotionally open overall. When every moment seems possibly broadcastable, the stakes of being judged — or cringey — are high.
The pandemic-era context still matters. Hinge’s previous research found that Gen Z singles were 47 percent more likely than millennials to say the lockdowns made them nervous to talk to new people and 25 percent more likely to feel less confident on first dates. Beyond the world of apps, though, researchers and clinicians are finding young adults who report higher rates of social anxiety and loneliness than any generation that came before them, suggesting that a “communication gap” is not just a byproduct of platform dynamics but also an outgrowth from years of mediated interaction.
AI Becomes a Conversation Crutch for Many Gen Z Daters
Into that void steps AI. Of Gen Z men who use AI for dating, 58 percent say they use it to start conversations and 50 percent say they use it to craft their responses. Among Gen Z women who use AI, 40 percent rely on it to initiate a chat and 57 percent to write responses. But not everyone shares the same level of excitement: Only 34 percent of Hinge daters in general are comfortable or indifferent when it comes to AI-written messages.
The benefits are clear 😌️🙂️ Less pressure, less awkward silences. But the trade-offs are real. AI can easily soothe jitters at the expense of one’s voice sounding the same, and if chat doesn’t sound like a person in real life, then trust is broken. It might also homogenize courtship, creating well-worn but interchangeable banter. As Hinge relationship scientist Logan Ury says, real connection involves being able to cope with vulnerability and imperfection — things that templated messages often buff away.
Importantly, the same report demonstrates momentum toward genuine intimacy: 84 percent of Gen Z Hinge daters are looking for new ways to form deeper connections. The tension, then, isn’t one of intent but tools and habits. AI is an easy on-ramp to the conversation; it’s not a substitute for showing up as yourself.
What Daters and Platforms Can Do Right Now to Help
Practical moves help.
- Replace generic openers with one specific question tied to a profile detail. For example: “Tell me about that last photo — what’s the story?” and “What did that playlist get you through?” to invite depth without intensity.
- Use voice notes to bring warmth and clarity that text often does not.
- If you are using AI, be transparent about it and pivot rapidly to your own words.
For platforms, the findings make a case for whatever design will normalize depth early: prompts rife with context, gentle nudges to share values, features where it’s easy to set intentions and boundaries. Behavioral studies have found that well-timed defaults can change norms; the aim is to make it easier for people to start an actual conversation while protecting users’ privacy and safety.
This picture is not a flimsy one, as it’s matched by Hinge’s global sample of some 30,000 users: Gen Z is not intimacy-averse; they are hesitation-rich. But as AI continues to subtly rewrite the opening act of modern love, we may find ourselves less incentivized to exploit or resist our urges toward genuine connection, and more open to the power of a good conversation. And that’s likely just the beginning — for daters and for developers.
