Coffee Meets Bagel has published its first Dating Realness Report, and the findings are both hopeful and sobering: nearly everyone wants somebody to have sex with, yet nobody feels compatible with a modern dating system. The survey, whose findings are based on more than 1,000 U.S. working professionals ages 21 to 35 who are dating or would like to be in a relationship and are currently using online apps or app games for work purposes, captures the contradictions that make up app-based romance today.
Key Findings From the Dating Realness Report
People mean business, not just here and there. Most respondents say they’re in the market for long-term relationships, with 61% looking for a spouse and 31% looking for a partner. But 93% say dating is difficult, and 45% find that committing to a relationship is tougher than working up the nerve to ask for a raise.
When asked about their biggest pain points, daters identified classic culprits:
- Swiping endlessly but not finding relevant matches (54%)
- Getting ghosted or unmatched (47%)
- Struggling with how to start or keep a conversation going (43%)
These are in line with longstanding trends reported by organizations like the Pew Research Center, which for years has found message fatigue and ghosting to be common complaints among app users.
Swiping Fatigue and the Commitment Conundrum
The top complaint — swiping without traction — is a testament to what psychologists call the “choice overload” problem. As psychologists like Barry Schwartz have demonstrated, more options can decrease satisfaction and make decisions seem riskier. In dating, a response bias makes for shorter attention spans as well as more second-guessing and hesitancy to commit even when the intention is high.
This disconnect also aligns with work by Stanford sociologists who have found that apps are now the most common way couples meet and establish their physical-scale dynamics. More people are accessible than in the past, which ironically can make progress seem slower and more fragile.
AI Help Is OK, but Authenticity Still Reigns
One of the report’s most dramatic tensions is artificial intelligence. An overwhelming 80% of respondents said they’re comfortable with AI’s help in handling dating-related tasks, like editing your profile or starting a conversation. But roughly 65% of people say that if they found out a profile or message was written by AI, they would be less likely to interact and would think of the person in a negative light, or not know what to do.
Gen Z is more comfortable with AI tools than Millennials, but paradoxically less likely to engage with AI-authored content. This “help me, don’t be me” attitude aligns with findings from other dating apps, including recent reports from Hinge highlighting an overall detachment from swiping to Generation Z’s new path toward connection, where there is greater emphasis on depth and authenticity despite using artificial intelligence as an icebreaker.
What Daters Care About in Potential Partners
Chemistry and an emotional connection not surprisingly top the wish list for 73% of respondents, ahead of physical attraction at 63%.
Values and beliefs in common come next at 59%, followed by ambition or drive at 57% and shared interests at 53%. The scores indicate that “vibes” matter, but values alignment and life direction are not far behind.
Generational differences add nuance. Emotional connectedness is even more important for Millennials than Gen Z (76% to 68%). And Gen Z is more likely to say they value ambition and drive (61%, compared with 52% among Millennials). Those splits track how younger daters increasingly have started to frame, in subtle ways, relationships as part not just of some long-term career and identity project, but also of a short-term one.
New Barriers After the Match: Signals and Ghosting
The fallout from the friction doesn’t stop when people match. The most common post-date struggles — confusing signals, stalled conversations and ghosting — are essentially the same for all generations. Mixed signals were mentioned by 42% of Gen Z and 44% of Millennials, initiating or maintaining a chat by 40% of Gen Z and 38% of Millennials, and ghosting by 38% of Gen Z and 40% of Millennials.
And that consistency indicates a systemwide more than a cohort issue. Clearer intent labels, guided prompts and cues that keep conversations going — already being tested across major platforms — are designed to cut through the ambiguity and help keep chats alive without feeling stilted.
Economic Reality Shapes Romance and Relationship Timelines
In a sign of the times, financial stability was listed as the foremost priority in life for 54% of respondents, above health and wellness at 49%.
Love and relationships come in a very close second behind family at 47% each. With inflation and increasing living costs impacting everything from first-date budgets to cohabitation timelines, it’s no surprise money shapes how — and when — people seek commitment. So have consumer finance firms, including Bankrate and LendingTree; they are reporting that a significant number of singles are changing spending habits in dating because of costs.
Collectively, the report describes a dating climate steeped in serious purpose and structural friction, with particular emphasis on authenticity. For platforms, the prescription is clear: reduce choice overload, make intentions legible and enable more natural speech without supplanting the human voice. For daters, the message may be equally straightforward: fewer swipes, clearer signals and a profile that sounds like you.
