The Long View - Brief Article

to: luv2daytrayd@aol.com

from: direct-e-invest@investimatic.com

subject: MAKE MONEY NOW!!!!!

Don't be scared by market volatility!!!! You can make $$$$$$ trading out-of-favor stocks!!!

to: luv2daytrayd@aol.com

from: junior@sonicwhizzer.net

subject: Hi, Dad!

Hi Dad!

Things are great here at SonicWhizzer! Of course, the money situation is a little scary, since most of our early investors have dropped out of the second round of mezzanine angel-level equity private placement. But the good news is that we're doing a friends-and-family initial pre- pricing placement of a second-tier tranche of pre-IPO shares, which I think will pay off BIG, especially when we develop a product.

So can I put you down for, like, 100,000 shares?

to: luv2daytrayd@aol.com

from: direct-e-invest@investimatic.com

subject: OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS!!!!!!!

Don't miss out!!!!! Market volatility spells PROFIT!!!!!! Heavy discounts when you trade the same equity several times within a single trading day!!!!!!

to: futurelawyer@yale.edu

from: luv2daytrayd@aol.com

subject: next year's tuition

Dear Pumpkin:

It was great to hear from you last weekend. Your mom and I are both so happy that the college experience is everything you wanted it to be.

Of course, college isn't the only place that a person can learn. In a way, I think, a person isn't truly "educated" in the full sense of the word until he (or she!! I'm getting better, pumpkin!!) has spent some time in the "real" world, as opposed to the academic one.

I guess what I'm getting at is, maybe you'd like to think about taking a year or two off from the stress and craziness of college? Maybe a break would be a good thing for everyone-but, I mean, primarily you, of course-and, hey, it'd give your mom and me a little more breathing room to raise the $33,567 a year for tuition, ha ha! Just kidding there, pumpkin.

You kids today grow up too fast, I think. How about taking a year or two to stop and smell the roses, to be a young person, to get off the "fast track" and, oh, I don't know, work in telemarketing?

Just a thought from your loving dad . . .

to: luv2daytrayd@aol.com

from: direct-e-investment@investimatic.com

subject: Some questions about your portfolio

Please contact our investor relations department (investorrelations@investimatic.com) as soon as possible.

to: iluvmydaytraydr@aol.com

from: luv2daytrayd@aol.com

subject: Will you please get out of the bathroom????

Honey, I know you're in there with the other laptop. I know you're logged on to AOL because you're on my buddy list. Just unlock the door, okay? This isn't getting us anywhere, sweetie, with you locked in the bathroom with the laptop and the wireless modem.

Obviously, I got sort of caught by surprise by this market downturn- which is totally TEMPORARY-and so some of my positions- okay, ALL of my positions-are showing a slight-okay, okay, TOTAL-loss. Of course, this can all be "good" news, from a tax perspective, but I know it's embarrassing to take your friends out to lunch and have the Money Market Visa debit card get refused, and to have the ATM card linked to our stock portfolio come up empty but honey, these are just glitches, okay?

Because, dear, the underlying fundamentals of the new economy are sound, okay? The productivity gains of the past few years can't be erased just because the Dow lost 600 points-wait a sec, my pager just buzzed. The Dow is down 800. Still, my point stands-or the NASDAQ took a hit. I mean, take us, for example. A few short years ago, if you were upset or mad at me, you'd just lock yourself in the bathroom and cry silently. Now, thanks to the New Economy, you can lock yourself in the bathroom and log on to one of your favorite chat rooms. (Not to mention that, thanks to a smart Qualcomm trade and a perfectly timed Global Crossing buy, that bathroom now has a marble whirlpool bath and a steam shower.)

Hey, did some idiots overextend themselves? Yeah, you bet they did. Did some fools "bet the house," as it were, on some cockamamie no-earnings web-based business? Sure, some total morons did. And you know what? I have no sympathy for them, okay? They didn't invest in carefully chosen growth equities. They didn't do exhaustive research in the appropriate chat rooms. They didn't watch enough CNBC.

I'm different, honey. I did all of those things. I paid attention to the fundamentals. And I know that we're about to turn the corner.

Your loving husband,

Luv2daytrayd@aol.com

to: luv2daytrayd@aol.com

from: margincredit@investimatic.com

subject: Margin account

Dear Customer:

Your margin account is now closed. Please deposit $715,987.55 into your account to cover your positions.

Your friends at Investimatic.

COPYRIGHT 2001 National Review, Inc.
COPYRIGHT 2001 Gale Group