Negotiation games

Tom Nelson

Feel outmatched during head-to-head haggling? Here's how to level the playing field.

In the next few minutes, you're going to find out what it takes to get what you want when you want it.

That may sound too good to be true, but just by reading this far, you've already learned a little about an expert closing technique that savvy negotiators refer to as the "assumptive close."

Look back at the first sentence of this article: You weren't asked if you wanted to learn more about negotiation. You weren't asked it you bad time to spare. It was assumed that you would agree to read further - without having to be asked.

Whether you're moderating Arab-Israeli peace talks or attempting to convince a salesman to throw in a helmet with the new mountain bike you're buying, understanding negotiation techniques virtually guarantees that you won't fall short of your goals.

Negotiation, after all, is as old as man himself - in fact, it's an essential element of everyday life. "You may not realize it, but everyone negotiates all the time," says Gerard Nierenberg, founder and president of the New York City-based Negotiation Institute and the author of 20 books. "It's an essential part of all human relations."

But because many of us aren't particularly good at bargaining for what we want, it's easy to let a negotiation turn into a conflict. "In the old days, people waged war to settle land disputes. Now we hire lawyers to wage war," says Steven Cohen, founder and president of the Negotiation Skills Co. in Pride's Crossing, Massachusetts. "The point of negotiating is to wage peace."

How can that best be achieved? Ultimately, your mind-set plays a big role in your success or failure. "People mistakenly think that negotiating is a game, and that winning and losing are the only possible outcomes," Nierenberg says. "They fail to realize that everyone can win."

Let's make a deal

Getting started: The crucial first step toward winning, experts say, is preparation. "Information is the fundamental asset of negotiation," Cohen says. "You need to find out what they want, and you need to make it clear to them what you want."

Once you're ready to get down to business, the right techniques can make or break a deal. In The Complete Idiot's Guide to Winning Through Negotiation, attorney and author John Ilich recommends starting with the bad news. If you get the nasty stuff out of the way first, your proposed solution to the problem will seem sweeter.

Say you have a 7:30 reservation for a romantic dinner for two. It's now 7:50, and you and your dining companion are still waiting for your table. Pull the maitre d' aside and let him know how upset your date is with the level of service. Then throw in a comment about the wonderful things you've heard about the place. Now that you're on a roll, mention that the next available harbor-view table and two glasses of wine would ease your disappointment.

Working it through: If you hit a snag, Ilich advises, try to fall back on previously agreed upon points by saying, "It's a shame we've agreed on X and Y without figuring what to do about Z. Let's give Z a shot." You can also introduce an obstacle by saying, "It's unfortunate that ..." or, "We've come this far; let's consider this."

Suppose you're thinking about switching to a new gym in town. After the salesperson takes you on the obligatory tour, say, "I really like this place. It's a shame that your initiation fee is so much more than ABC Gym down the block."

Nierenberg suggests presenting alternatives when an impasse proves formidable. "If you're trying to negotiate money and the other person won't budge, you should start to consider non-cash solutions that would satisfy you," he says.

Build your case: Another technique recommended by Ilich involves methodically building a case based on facts and figures. Top-notch negotiators know to start and end with their two strongest points, because items in between are often forgotten.

For example, if your boss calls you in to ask if you're interested in taking on a new project, you have just been dealt the occupational equivalent of four queens. Resist the urge to shout out, "Show me the money!" and put on your best poker face instead. Ask as many questions as you can about the new project, as every answer will provide the building blocks that will eventually get you a raise.

Keep in mind, though, that you're on your boss' home turf. Don't play the money card until you're good and ready - remember, preparation is paramount. Take good mental notes about the scope of the project, how much work it will entail, what it will mean for your career, and so forth. When you're finished with the Q&A session, suggest to your boss that you have lunch later in the week. On this neutral ground, you can present your case.

While you're at it, don't forget about the old assumptive close. Those who ask, "Does this include a raise?" are practically begging the other party to say no - and usually have far less in their checkbooks at the end of the month than those who confidently state, "This additional responsibility merits an increase in compensation."

Shake on it: Once you've negotiated successfully, it's time to seal the deal. Cohen says a symbolic recognition such as a handshake or signed document adds legitimacy to any pact. "When you use a human mechanism to say you agree, it makes the agreement seem more real for both parties, and it shows that you're both on the same page," he explains.

Everyday haggles

Everyone knows there is plenty of room for negotiation when you're haggling with the boss or buying a home, but what about during day-to-day situations? Here are a few more areas in which you can put your bargaining skills to work:

* Service industries. Restaurants, long-distance phone companies and other highly competitive service-oriented businesses are notorious for caving when customers merely mention reasonable demands.

The next time a telemarketer calls with a new long-distance plan "guaranteed" to save you money, don't just hang up. Turn the tables before they launch into their scripted marketing spiel. If you already have a 10-cents-a-minute plan, say that nothing less than five-cents-per will guarantee you savings. Bonus: Speaking the same language as your opponents allows them to relate to what you're saying and makes them more likely to be favorably influenced.

* Unregulated industries. Let's say you and some friends are treating a groom-to-be to a night on the town. When the bouncer at the first club you visit says the cover is $15 a head, ask (politely) to see the manager. Tell him, "We've got 12 guys here for a bachelor party. We'll give you a hundred bucks for all 12."

There's something else you can learn from that example: The key to any negotiation is dealing with the person Cohen calls the drop-dead decision maker - that is, someone with the authority to make things happen. Even if the bouncer did have the power to strike a deal, he wouldn't be as motivated as the manager, especially on a slow night.

* Her. A relationship involves some of the most important negotiations you'll ever make. Action movie or romantic comedy? Mexican or Italian? Is it time to move in together? You can bet these things have crossed her mind before she ever brings them up, and a prepared negotiator will have a far easier time when they're out on the table.

Three no-win situation

It's one thing to negotiate, but it's quite another to do it well. While there are many strategies that can lead to success at the bargaining table, experts say there are a few mistakes that ensure doom.

1. Getting personal: Race, gender, religion, ethnicity, age or profession are never appropriate topics.

2. Letting body language give you away: Avoid eye-rolling, sneering or fist-shaking. "Don't let anyone push your buttons," says Gerard Nierenberg of the Negotiation Institute.

3. Losing it: The person who gets angry only appears defensive and out of control, losing more often than not.

- T.N.

Los Angeles-based freelance writer Tom Nelson negotiated a nice fee for writing this article.

COPYRIGHT 1999 Weider Publications
COPYRIGHT 2008 Gale, Cengage Learning